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Saturday, September 05, 2009
Last night, communication broke down with my D & M, once again. Repeatedly, they failed to realize I was not happy bound to my birth country. Weather could not convince them. Quality of living (I know that is too general) could not convince them either. They just want me to live THEIR life and not my own life. If that were the case, why was I born to this world and given my own lungs to breathe. I could jolly well be stuck to a external life support and breathing apparatus (them) and just wait till the day I die.
Life without heart is sad. Life without soul is equally the same. I am almost vivid clear that I will gain more happiness if my body and my heart (and souls) stays together. A fallen entity means failure, and I will not make the same mistake again.
D&M, sorry if I have broken your heart. It is your refusal to believe in me, your refusal to have trust in me, refusal to see that happiness can be mine by a simple act of being able to enjoy what I want to do, who I am with, and where I am, even when it means not able to stay close to you. If not being seen by you defines an act of losing filial piety, then mark me down with those hideous words. Deep in my heart, I know I am not. I can only choose a distant way of expressing filial piety, a way you consider NOT. I know you are not wrong but I can bravely stand on my grounds that I am not wrong too. As I have told D previously, if we cannot share a same vision and perspective, both of us will lose the battle altogether. You will not lose me by letting me go. Rather, you will win a part of my heart if you can understand that whatever I am doing now is to pave a better path for my own family. Happiness is not $. Quality of life is not $ either. It is all about an individual feeling comfortable in the state of mind and heart.
I watched Curious George this morning, taking one leaf from a book. The kite. It sounds cliché but it rings my heart. The purpose of a kite is to let it fly. If you refuse to release the line and wants to have total control, then a kite can never be a kite. It will not fly and merely be a decoration. If you want to tie it with a line and allow it to fly, then manage it with good control. The looser you hold the line, the better the kite flies in the environment. The extreme will be a total let-go (kite flies and be gone forever) which in this analogy is not the end-goal.
Posted by tigerfish at 3:11 PM